I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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