What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
