we're blogging at a bar
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
