She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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