please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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