How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
