he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
