I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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