Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
