You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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