so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
