We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
