he wants to bone in the snuggie
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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