a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You're like the curious george of whores
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
