She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
