The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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