I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
