the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
