You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
