Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
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Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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