she was so not down for the gang bang
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
