i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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