Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
