There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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