Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
