the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
third nipple confirmed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
