I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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