i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
