How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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