Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
