my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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