Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
