Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have fence marks all over my body
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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