Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
