big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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