Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
