I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
