i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
