what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
