The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
