So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
