Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Panties = found
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
