her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
