i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
