Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
