I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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