I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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