I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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