she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
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And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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