Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
