why didn't you poke me back
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
