Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
