I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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