you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
