Everything about him screamed your future.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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