Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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