Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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