through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
