OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
