I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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