dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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