Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
