So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
