I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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