The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
