so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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