my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
