I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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