did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
